What is more valuable: courage or confidence?

I learned that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.

Nelson Mandela

My wife recently responded to a question posed by someone she follows on social media that asked: 

“Which is more important–confidence or courage?”

Self-confidence is revered in western society. We look up to the bold and the brash at the same time as hating them. People who make big moves, who step to the front of the crowd, who defy convention and declare their intentions, who seem to have no fear. 

When I was growing up tennis player Jimmy Connors was that kind of person. He was called “the brash basher from Belleville,” a reference to his hometown in Illinois, because everything about him exuded confidence. He rarely lost. At least until he did. When he stormed onto the world tennis scene in the 1970’s everybody was talking about JC. Jimmy Connors. Counter that with his nemesis: the quiet, detached figure of Sweden’s Bjorn Borg. An exquisite tennis player who won Wimbledon five times on a surface–grass–on which he had no business excelling. His epic battles with Connors and, later, with John McEnroe (another supremely confident American), enthralled millions every July in London and then again in September in New York at the U.S. Open. 

All three were confident, but Borg’s style was to shut up and play. He eschewed press conferences and public appearances. He didn’t make noises and a scene on or off the court, except what he did with his racquet. 

Of course there have been other talented players who won big tournaments but while I was growing up it was Connors and Borg. 

Outside of sports and people like Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson, there are other examples. People like Richard Branson who created Virgin Industries (record company, hospitality company, transportation company etc.) moved into our consciousness. 

If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes–then learn how to do it later.

Richard Branson

And, though Connors was loud and Borg was quiet, both were unfailingly confident. 

So I’m not knocking confidence as a trait. 

But where does confidence come from? 

Eleanor Roosevelt said: 

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.

I posed the question recently on social media, asking, “which do you value more, confidence or courage?

The jury was evenly split. What was interesting is how closely related courage and confidence seem to be in the minds of people. Both also seem to spring from fear. 

Is confidence the opposite of fear or Is courage the opposite of fear? Are courage and confidence the same? 

Here’s how Merriam Webster defines confidence:

“a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances.”

Here’s their take on courage: 

“mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.”

While we might be splitting semantic hairs, I think there is a qualitative difference between the two and I’ll tell you why it matters. To me courage and fear can co-exist in the same moment. It’s not a binary choice. Courage is being afraid and doing it anyway, regardless of the circumstances. Courage is a core value and confidence springs from courageous acts in which one was afraid. That is, confidence is built upon courage, not the other way around. 

We’ve all heard the saying, “fake it til you make it.” But I see that as superficial, built on convincing oneself that he or she will succeed or have a favorable outcome while courage is being more in the moment, in touch with the situation and one’s experience regardless of the outcome. 

That’s the qualitative difference. I think confidence can be and is faked often, much because we are a society that seems to expect and admire confidence beyond almost all measure. We dislike people who seem fence-sitters and especially people who are not confident. Western culture is pre-eminently focused on outcomes rather than process. 

I’ve seen it in people who express confidence, like Connors, and I often think they are trying to talk themselves into feeling it as well. While I loved Jimmy Connors I truly admired Bjorn Borg for his “quiet waters run deep” mentality. 

Courage is an acknowledgment of feeling fear and moving ahead anyway, being very alert to what is happening in the moment but not shying away. Confidence, whether real or faked, is borne out of assuring oneself, or feeling assured, of a positive outcome. 

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

Winston Churchill

I’m not saying confidence is bad. Confidence leads leaders to step to the front. Confidence can be contagious and lead others also to move forward. So can courage. Think of people long admired in history. Did we admire them for their confidence or their courage?

Mahatma Ghandi. Martin Luther King. Rosa Parks. 

June 5, 1989 Tiananmen Square: The famous ‘Tank man.” : Courage personified?

Courage can exist even in the face of failure while a couple failures can devastate one’s confidence. 

I’m sure people will disagree with me. But I’m going to pay attention to when I feel afraid and see what I do. I’ll hang my hat on courage and allow all the Jimmy Connors and Richard Bransons of the world be the confident ones. 

With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom fo be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity.

Mark Twain

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