Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. Ralph Waldo Emerson This year has been a bitch, a…
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“If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold onto. If you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot achieve.” —Lau Tzu
There is no instruction manual for this: When we know someone close to us is going to die and can do nothing to change the course yet would if we could.
My dad and I are are starting to say “so long” to each other. His cancer, discovered over the 4th of July, is terminal. We don’t know how much time he has. The doctors say a few weeks or a few months. There is no cure and no way to stop the cancer.
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“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi
There are four jagged marks on my abdomen; One runs north from my belly button about three inches as a deep purplish bumpy ribbon, like something is slithering just beneath the surface of the skin. Three others, little, red, uneven potholes, are to the far right and left. I have yet another where the middle finger of my left hand used to reside.
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. – Carl Rogers
I cannot think of a more powerful truth than one we experience personally. Perhaps this is obvious to everyone but me.
As the doctor spoke about what this, a second blood clot, meant to my physiology, I felt the outer boundaries of life scooch inward. I felt older, more breakable. I even felt, gulp, the urge to ask, “What did I do to deserve this?”
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There is a long hallway on the backside of St. Joe Hospital’s Reichert Health Center. It runs like a tunnel to various rear sections of the medical center complex at St. Joe’s: there is Pain Institute just inside to the right of the wide sliding doors that whoosh efficiently and quietly aside as patients walk or roll in on wheel chairs. If you go straight and then left you enter the broad main lobby of Reichert, which pulses with the comings and goings of the ill and relatives and doctors and nurses throughout the day.
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Or, why i re-thought the value of identity.
It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.”
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind
A couple months have passed since I spent a Monday night in the hospital so I could have a scan of
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