Last updated on 24 June 2020
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HOW I CHOOSE TO LIVE (FROM THIS DAY FORWARD):
“The trouble is, you think you have time.”
Buddha
What I’ve learned from the first 60 years of life is that there is so much I don’t know. And perhaps will never know.
My first 60 years taught me that the biggest mistake I have made time and time again is not deciding. Allowing circumstance or others to decide then reacting to the consequences forced me to settle on what I now see as lesser paths, courses that short-changed either my potential or opportunities.
The first 60 years of life taught me that living afraid yielded what I’ve got but not necessarily what I wanted. Not knowing in exacting detail what I wanted allowed me to accept circumstance and others’ choices as my own because, well, I didn’t know better. Rather than risk offending or hurting others, I just quietly turned away, hating myself a little bit more for my lack courage. And, in an ironic twist of fate, not being decisive often ended hurting the very people I thought my going along was protecting.
I’ve done a lot of quitting in 60 years, too, but not in a healthy way. Not because what I was faced with challenged my values. Not at all, or rarely. Quitting was a way of wiping the slate clean by not deciding. By not disappointing or hurting others and therefore not being accountable for my feelings and beliefs.
The first 60 years has taught me that living a life aligned with your values is sometimes hard and sometimes lonely. And it requires conviction that you are right even when others command that you are not. Living aligned with your values requires being in touch with one’s inner compass. So in touch that, during a storm, that compass remains a constant beacon regardless of the world outside.
The first 60 years has taught me that life passes in a blur. Buddha said “The problem is, you think you have time.” I can’t believe how quickly 60 years has passed. Though I know that’s 21,900 days plus, it whooshes like mile markers on a highway.
It’s taken most of 60 years to figure out what I love and what drives me. The first 60 years has taught me that ignoring that inner voice no matter how small is done at one’s own peril. Sixty years has taught me that ultimately I alone am responsible for my own contentedness and therefore that inner voice is what I most must listen to. What I have come to believe is that inner voice comes from a source that is the closest to whom you actually are.
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
Bernard Baruch
It is inherently wrong to put what you think might happen good or bad before one’s own intuition about a right and good choice. Even the words I select in this essay might not resonate or might offend if I don’t soften them but then what is the point of a watered-down essay?
What the first 60 years has taught me is that no matter what you do, how conscious you are, you will always piss off someone, so why not make choices based on your intuition of what’s best?
My first 60 years has taught me that being a good, kind and honest person curious about others and the world around me is a pretty good way to live. There will be obstacles and challenges and difficult people, of course. And people, sometimes close, will do things to disappoint you. But it’s all living. It’s all going to be okay.
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
What the first 60 years of life has taught me is to not fear so much the anticipated outcomes because I’m wrong more than I’m right. Making the right decisions, listening to that inner voice, is most often the best for everyone I care about. Avoiding being wrong or worrying about what others might say is unfairly giving others responsibility for your own happiness and the first 60 years has taught me that that is the exact opposite of a life well-lived.
What the first 60 years of my life has taught me is that knowing the things that are important–my values–allows me to keep the bumps and bruises–and mistakes–in perspective. Here’s a short list:
- authentic connection
- curiosity & learning
- respect for all human beings regardless of skin color, lifestyle, or culture
- respect for animals and nature and the intrinsic value of all life
- the courage to make mistakes and take responsibility for my thoughts and actions
- the pursuit and expression of creativity
- the care and feeding of the soul
- extending, challenging, appreciating my physicality: biology, physiology and potential
A very short and general list. Even as I write I’m aware I don’t always live up to even my own values. My first 60 years has taught me that one’s values are not a destination. There is no finish line one can declare to have crossed. Values are dynamic and their pursuit is an ongoing challenge (and worth the effort).
On this Father’s Day, I wish each Dad the very best. I hope you allow yourself even a small measure of pride in who you are and what you offer to those you love and who love you.
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