seems like everything used to be something else

Posted by in figuring it out, health and wellness

The ideal man bears the accidents of life with dignity and grace, making the best of circumstances.- Aristotle The “e”, “d” and “c” keys are impossible. they rest on my keyboard just as they always have. it is not their fault they are now icons of despair. the middle finger keys’ places are not meant to have any meaning other than being letters set in rank according to someone’s long ago sense of how frequently words require their use. their presence more than any other letters reminds me that now is a…read more

not (a)muse(ing)

Posted by in creativity, expectations, figuring it out, writing

Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia. — E.L Doctorow There is no floodgate of prose. There is no muse tapping me on the shoulder and pouring beautiful words into my head. She was there, gently whispering to me as I rushed to snatch pieces of her genius in my fingertips. She was. Then she was gone. It is a poor man’s fate, mine, to lose my only creative voice. It is unfair when one has so few gifts to steal one of the few things I can offer the world. Not…read more

however long it takes

Posted by in figuring it out

“Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they’ve got a second.” — William James.  I read once that the average meal at a fast food restaurant takes 11 minutes. That’s 11 minutes from walking in the door to ordering, eating and back out to the parking lot. There is a way of approaching life that can be similar to eating at a fast food restaurant. Fast food restaurants are not about savoring.  Not the food. Not the experience of eating. Not even a peaceful moment…read more

does sincerity matter?

Posted by in emotions, expectations, family, Family, relationships

Insincerity is always weakness; sincerity even in error is strength. – George Henry Lewes I might be the most naive buffoon on the planet.  I thought sincerity mattered. I have been schooled again.  Yesterday I took my youngest daughter out for what I thought would be a pleasant lunch at Moe’s. During the car ride back to her mom’s she unloaded on me all the things I did wrong in my marriage to her mom and since our divorce. She delivered this with a kind of ferocity–and hurt–that felt like I…read more

filling the space

Posted by in advertising, expectations, figuring it out

This past Sunday I organized the shoes on my closet floor. The pile looked like a footwear orgy for the homeless. Shoes tossed upside down and sideways helter-skelter. There wasn’t a matched pair and I got frustrated looking for the mate to my new New Balance 980’s which I have come to love even though my first run in them last week partially tore my Achilles. So now I’m looking for my black wingtips with the new blue laces Elin bought me so I can look cooler in jeans than…read more

while I was traveling you were scoring goals

Posted by in emotions, expectations, family, relationships

In my mind I can see her clearly. The ball bobbing along the surface of the water right in front of her as she rushes toward the goal. Kicking hard. Her arms flying in a frenetic version of freestyle. No one is near but they are swimming hard after her. Quickly she is at the goal. She holds the ball high in her right hand. She is confident. Her eyes larger than the headlights on a bus. Her heart a piston in a truck engine. She freezes the goalie with…read more

awakening in the room of “what if?”

Posted by in emotions, expectations, figuring it out, health and wellness, inspiration

I am sitting in the waiting room of the hospital’s CT Scan facility. The furniture is classic office lobby chic. The walls are papered with a soft green fern pattern. The floors are oak instead of the sterile, polished tile found in other sections of the hospital. The decor is designed to help the rest of the patients and me feel calm, less worried. I feel like I’m surrounded by death-in-waiting. I look around at the pleasant hues and warm wood. The attending staff are all bright, as if buoyed by…read more

the sky above, the field below

Posted by in creativity, emotions, expectations, family, figuring it out, inspiration, psychology

We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us. -Marcel Proust I didn’t intend to meditate. Yet here I was, sitting cross-legged on a rectangular stone, just above the beach. The sun, up for more than an hour, had reached the point where the breeze caught its heat and I could feel its warmth on my cheek. It was quiet. Just the gentle, constant push of the waves upon the beach, the call of a few…read more

a man in full

Posted by in creativity, design, emotions, expectations, family, figuring it out, inspiration, psychology, relationships

“If the image one holds of one’s self contains elements that don’t square with reality, one is best advised to let go of them, however difficult that may be.” ― Sidney Poitier, The Measure of a Man: A Spiritual Autobiography I screwed up the cabinets. It was a mistake any novice could make. Only it was me. My wife and I have redesigned our kitchen. We replaced the counters and in the process decided to change out our mini-dishwasher and too-large sink for modern updates. We also replaced all the…read more

a world that can’t stop talking

Posted by in creativity, emotions, expectations, figuring it out, health and wellness, inspiration, psychology, relationships

“We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal–the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha and comfortable in the spotlight…We like to think we value individuality, but all too often we admire one type of individual–the kind who’s comfortable ‘putting himself out there.’ –Susan Cain in her wonderful book, Quiet.  In 1975 I fell in love with a movie called Three Days of the Condor. Robert Redford played a bookish CIA agent in a secret office in Washington, DC who analyzed the plots of spy novels….read more